Anglerfish

Submitted by: Kate



I know what you're thinking. The anglerfish looks super weird, end of story, right? That is wrong and you are shallow. Shameful. The anglerfish is weird for many other reasons.

Firstly, the fleshy outgrowth on their heads (the "esca") is used to lure their prey in, at which point they snap up whoever falls for this bit of trickery in their huge jaws. Apparently they are lazy, because the jaw snapping is a reflexive action that happens on contact with the esca. Deep sea anglerfish have the added bonus of bioluminescence in their esca. I suppose this makes them extra creepy during deep sea dives.

Okay, now...the point of this whole write up, and animalsareweird in general. Animal mating habits tend to be a bit on the weird side as it is, but even sea horses (future entry!) stop and say "whoa, you do what now?" I hope you're sitting down for this. Upon maturation, the digestive system of male anglerfish start degenerating and they can't feed themselves. Okay. Great. This causes them to desperately search for a female, and upon finding them, the male bites into the females skin and secretes an enzyme that fuses the two together. The male then starts degenerating into just a pair of gonads (still attached to the female, mind you) and just sort of hangs around until the female eggs are ready to be fertilized. Then, to complete the circle of bizzarro life, the eggs are then laid in a long thin gelatinous sheet, 2-3 feet wide and 25 - 30 feet long.

Oh, and they supposedly taste like lobster.

Spider Crickets???

So. Spiders. I have a long standing tentative truce with spiders in which I don't kill them and they don't lay eggs in my mouth while I sleep. I'm on the fence on whether or not the truce includes these:




I think they are just crickets that look like they could be alien spiders or something...either way, I hope to not see one in my home. Ever.

Bunnies

Submitted by: Michelle, inadvertently



Bunnies. Rabbits. Wabbits. Whatever you wish to call them, seem to be a perfectly normal animal and therefore not subject to the hard hitting exposes of this blog. That is a false statement. Bunnies are indeed weird, and there are no hard hitting exposes to be found anywhere on this blog.

Over the weekend, a friend got a (very cute) boy rabbit (who "boxed" me). He seemed so nice and friendly at the shelter, and just needed to be spayed before going to his new home. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I've always been under the impression that spaying/neutering curtails any aggressive tendencies and "urges" (keep it classy animalsareweird.blogspot.com). When my dog was neutered, she was very docile for the next few weeks. The exact opposite is happening with this particular bunny. He is (so I've been told) quite enamored with a paper towel roll (and presumably anything else to come his way) and hyper-amorous (new scientific term! That I made up...). I don't recall hearing a warning about this sort of behavior at the shelter. At all. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, bunnies are at the top of the Pervert Food Chain in the Animal Kingdom (our future overlords). Stay strong Michelle. Stay. Strong.

To be fair, this behavior is only supposed to be temporary, but whatevs.

Bears riding Horses

Submitted by: Joyce

Uh-oh. Bears have subjugated Horses in anticipation of the forthcoming Ape - Bear War of Supremacy. It's like the Cold War all over again, but with fuzzy animals. Exactly like that.

Animal Kingdom Takeover, continued

BEARS playing hockey

Animals In The News - 10/22

The epic journey of the bar-tailed godwit.

To summarize, this bird flew 7,200 miles NON STOP. What have you done today?

Ape Attack Force

As detailed over at Humans Are Weird, humans as a species just need to be destroyed. It's over guys, give it up. Here is Step 1 in the Animal Kingdoms takeover:


Chimp on a Segway

They will move on to tanks soon enough, while wearing adorable military uniforms.

Humanity's defense against our future Planet of the Apes? This Guy. Until apes can tie their own ties, they can never hope to rule in a classy fashionable way.

Fruit Flies

Submitted by: Bananas, Apples




Fruit flies are jerks for flying around your food, yet are useful as mobile visual indicators that your home isn't as clean as it should be. Are they less gross than the types of flies who like poop and cadavers? No they are more gross, because you should have fruit in your home but not stray poop or cadavers.

Slugs

Submitted by: My foot. After I stepped on one at Huckleberry Inn (or whatever it's called)



While at a fund raiser for a play (directed by NYC's foremost Tie Afficionado, I felt something squishy underneath my foot. With a look of horror, I lifted my shoe to find there was a slug underneath. Still alive, and on the ground, not crushed under my shoe (thankfully...because that would be gross[er]). Slug is apparently the non-scientific term used to describe gastopod mollusks. I'll think we'll stick with slug, yes?

Those of us who have seen slugs in action know that they leave a mucus trail behind them as they slooooowly wiggle across short distances. This mucus is used to protect their tiny little slug feet from the harsh ground. Some slugs even secrete a "slime cord" (not my term) to lower themselves to the ground, an image that will haunt a future nightmare of yours if you're squeamish. Anything else of interest? Not really, except some people in Italy eat live slugs to cure gastric problems, although personally I feel it would cause bigger problems (like a slug oozing its way down your gullet, that sort of thing...).

Also slug related is my updating schedule.

UGH

My last post was on balloon animals (thanks NICK), and I hate myself for it so so very much. New stuff soon...

Sister site

Yes, I've been slow to update...still have fruit bats and slugs to write about. In the meantime, check out Humans are weird for a hard hitting look at the worst humanity has to offer.

Balloon Animals

Submitted by: Nick




This one's pretty obvious no?

Goliath Birdeater

Let's get the obvious out of the way first...it's a huge spider that eats birds. A member of the tarantula family, the birdeater can have a leg span of up to 12 inches. Ironically, birdeaters rarely eat birds, and prefer mice.

Before you get nightmares about giant spiders eating you, I should point out that this particular species rarely attack unless disturbed, so you don't have to worry so much about Resident Evil style showdowns in your hallways:




In all honesty, shouldn't you avoid messing with giant spiders as a rule? Unless you have a shotgun that is (all of my giant spider knowledge comes from videogames).

Cats

Submitted by: Kirsten S, and her adorable kitties



I think this is pretty common knowledge, but cats are weird. They are simultaneously low maintenance and total divas. Kittens adore you, cats tend to be apathetic. Also, ask the person next to you if they are allergic to any animals. If the answer is yes, chances are they're allergic to cats.

You know something? I don't even know where to go with this post. I like cats and all, but they're just plain weird. I also believe this is something we can all accept, and won't be producing any facts to back up this statement. Cheers!

UPDATE: icanhascheezburger has lots of photographic evidence of cat weirdness.

Manatee

Submitted by: Erika S. after spotting some spattered paint that she said was a manatee with a unicorn horn



Manatees, aka the sea cow, have been recently described to me as the "happiest sea animal". I think dolphins and seals would dispute that non-fact, but I digress. Manatees are apparently evolved from four legged land animals about 60 million (give or take), and their closest living relatives are elephants (WHAT?) and hyraxes (WHO? WHAT????). They are also quite gigantic, weighing upwards of 900 lbs and being 9 - 10 feet long. Manatees prefer warm water, and their bodies can't handle cold water. Oddly, they like to hang out around power plants (which warm the water) unlike every other animal (I'm just guessing...I don't swim near power plants to avoid weird mutations so I don't know what kinds of animals live near them).

I think this is pretty well known, but manatees are believed to be the reason mermaid legends exist. If you look at the above picture, you can see why manatees are easily confused for hot half scaly fish ladies. Although, many months at sea probably warps the mind a bit anyway (this is EXACTLY why I am not a pirate).

They do look like they're smiling though, don't they?

Strange Fact #1

I found out tonight that seagulls die when they eat Rolaids, which was confirmed by someone who actually tried it. So please folks, if a seagull complains about indigestion, DO NOT GIVE THEM ROLAIDS. Not sure about Tums though, but I would suggest not trying to find out.

(also, I need to do a better job on the picture...yikes!)

Spoonbill

Submitted by: James V



James actually submitted spoonbill crane, but it looks like they are two separate animals, and went with spoonbill. Obviously, their most striking feature is their bills, which they use to snatch up any aquatic creature that wanders into their bills while they're wading in water. Also, while preferring fresh water, spoonbills can be found in salt water as well. So...they really don't care where they eat, or what they eat. They are picky about who they mate with, and stay monogamous throughout the mating season.

There are six species of spoonbill. There is the Common Spoonbill (found in Africa, Europe, and Asia), the Black Faced Spoonbill (also Asian), African Spoonbill (duh), Royal Spoonbill (mostly Australia, and is probably secretly deadly), Yellos Billed Spoonbill (also Australia, and also probably secretly deadly), and finally the Roseate Spoonbill (which is pink, and found in South America, Texas, and Florida).

Tuatara

Submitted by: Steph, inadvertently



Lately, people have been accidentally submitting animals to me. This post comes as a result of an e-conversation in which a minor dispute over dinosaurs being truly extinct occurred. VERY minor. A quick google search on living dinosaurs eventually brought me to the tuatara.

The tuatara, the modern dinosaur, is native to New Zealand (aka Neighbor to The Deadliest Place on Earth, further aka'd as "Australia Jr."). They are...get this...in between a lizard and a snake, even though they look 100% lizard.

Tuataras also have a parietal eye, or a third eye (only in hatchlings, it gets covered by scales after a few months) and are able to hear despite not having ears. According to always trustworthy Wikipedia, tuataras retain some unique skeletal features of fish through the magic of evolution (WHAT?!). That paragraph right there is what Animals Are Weird is all about.

Additional Fun Fact: Tuataras were on the back of the New Zealand 5 cent coin until October 2006.

Meerkat

Submitted by: Chiara, with help from Lotte




Meerkats, most famous for being Timon in The Lion King, are small mammals who are members of the mongoose family. Meerkat is apparently a Dutch (Afrikaans) word meaning "lake cat" (though this is not a cat), yet the Dutch call them "stokstaartjes", or "stick tail".

According to popular African belief, the meerkat is also known as the "sun angel" who protects villages from "moon devils", aka werewolves. This is from Wikipedia, so believe at your own risk. My money is on the werewolf I'm afraid.

I don't have much else to write, but with the surge in meerkat popularity due to "Meerkat Manner" on the Discovery Channel I may have to add more.

Brown Recluse Spider

Submitted by: work pal Hannah (though she doesn't know)



Shown here posed on a quarter for scale, the Brown Recluse Spider is apparently biting people at random in NYC (specifically Brooklyn). Those who know me best know I am no big fan of the spider, one of natures creepiest crawlies.

The brown recluse is a weirdo even amongst spiders. Whereas most spiders have eight eyes, recluses only have 6. Perhaps the lack of those extra two eyes makes them more aggressive to overcompensate? They like to hide in shoes, sheets, towels, well...anything really and bite when they feel threatened. In all fairness, it seems brown recluse spider bites are actually rare, and can actually be a misdiagnosed case of Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus, which I have chosen not to look up, dear readers. But when they do bite, the bites can cause necrosis, which causes skin cells to die among other things. Thanks a lot tiny venomous spiders.

Aside from two fewer eyes than most spiders and secret ninja attacks, there really isn't much else of interest going on here. I was going to use the Goliath Bird Eater as my first spider entry, but Hannah's reported epidemic (or shoddy medical diagnosis???) of spider bites meant this was news that NEEDED TO BE TOLD.

Box Jellyfish

Submitted by: Nick, who is a lover of all things tie related. Be sure to check him out and give your support to this very important life-altering project.



The box jellyfish is native to the aforementioned Australia, Land of 1,000 Dooms. It is also identified by experts as the DEADLIEST CREATURE ALIVE. How do we know this? Consider the following: they have many many tentacles with which to sting you with their powerful neurotoxins. Once they sting you, the pain is excruciating...to the point that you are likely to go into shock and drown (while writhing in pain). The pain is so strong that, should you make it to shore, you will probably wish you had drowned. They are also responsible for the overwhelming majority of reported yearly marine animal related deaths, with many more deaths estimated from indigenous tribes (who don't report such things).

Why do they sting? There are chemicals on your skin that cause box jellyfish to freak out and start stinging once you touch them. Not very nice. To prevent this, Australian lifeguards wear nylon pantyhose on their arms and legs, which the jellyfish can't sting through (wetsuits don't work nearly as well, FYI). They may look silly, but not as silly as you will when spazzing on the beach uncontrollably.

As a SPOILER for a future post, Australia also has the deadliest snakes (6 of the top 10, including number 1!), many other deadly marine animals, deadly spiders, so on and so on. I haven't fact checked this yet, but even honey bees are deadly down there!

Yeti Crab

AKA, the Kiwa Hirsuta. Recently discovered, the Yeti Crab dwells in the South Pacific close to Easter Island (a weird locale featuring the world famous Moai Statues), in hyrdothermal vents (WHAT?) near volcanic activity. It eats green algae, shrimp, and bacteria (yuck?). Oh, it has furry claws.

Woodpecker

Submitted by: A book Jaime left behind




Ummm, it pecks wood. I've never seen a live woodpecker, but I imagine it would be kind of annoying early in the morning outside your window. They peck for the following reasons: to hunt for bugs, to communicate (morse code????), and to signify the possession of territory. They also have really long tongues (apparently sometimes as long as the woodpeckers whole body). They also have thick skulls and a spongy cranial tissue to protect their brains as they pound away at pieces of wood. That's really all I care to write about out.

(be on the lookout for the yeti crab...coming soon!)

Hippopotamus

Hippos, one of the largest of all land animals (behind the white rhino and elephants), are actually pretty fast...they can run at around 18 mph (30 km/h).

Believe it or not, hippos are actually Africa's most dangerous animal. Think about that..a continent that has lions, hyenas, leopards, rhinos, and constantly rampaging primates, and the hippo is the most dangerous because they are fiercely territorial. Don't let the docile cartoon hippos fool you!

Strange fact: The closest living relatives to the hippo are actually cetaceans...which are whales, porpoises, etc. Craziness.

Blobfish

Seriously, WTH? At least it's accurately named.

Blobfish live in the deep waters of Australia and Tasmania. They stay afloat because their bodies are composed of a gelatinous mass slightly denser than water. Also, they are quite gross.

Flying Squirrel

Submitted by: Joyce W.

My good friend Joyce suggested "jumping jackalope", but it's hard to find facts about animals that are not real. So I made her choose again, and we ended up with flying squirrel:



I say this in the least scientific way possible: it's a squirrel with a loose fold of skin stretched out and attached to their legs (called a patagium), which is what allows them to glide. They also have GIANT eyes, I guess for nocturnal hunting purposes and also making them kind of cute. Huge eyes are very marketable in the animal kingdom, unless you're an insect (for the purposes of this blog, bugs will be considered animals).

There are no especially strange facts about flying squirrels that I could find, so we're going purely on aesthetics here. I was able to find that their meat and fur hold little to no value, and are therefore not hunted. Who eats squirrels anyway, flying or otherwise?

I think once we start getting into marine life is when we will start seeing some truly bizarre things. Keep suggesting!

Intro

This is a blog dedicated to showing that animals, while extremely lovable, are also extremely weird. I will search the web for facts using a random animal and a random adjective. Let's begin.